Mother's Day

After church today, Danielle and I went to the cemetery to visit my mom. It has been 18 years since I was able to spend Mother's Day with her.

It's scary because as time goes on, memories of my mom get a little fuzzier and a little more distant. Don't get me wrong, there are still vivid memories that I will forever hold dear to my heart, but the everyday things do escape me sometimes. And even though the days are much easier now than they were in the months and years immediately following the death of mom, there are still times when the loss and emptiness I feel are so overwhelming that I have to literally stop and ask myself if it really happened. I remember my school nurse from middle school who sat down with me one day shortly after I had returned back to school after the craziness of the funeral. She sat down with me in her office and told me that there would be times when I would think about mom and memories of her and the feeling of sadness would be so overwhelming that my breath would leave me like it does when a cold wave hits you when you're standing in the ocean or lake. 17 years after the death of mom, I still have those "waves" hit me, especially on days like today when memories and a gravestone are all you have to celebrate what is supposed to be a joyous day to celebrate the blessing of your mom.

Although my heart is understandably sad on this day, I do not look past the blessings of those who have filled the mother role in my life. I couldn't have a more wonderful mother-in-law. Barb is an incredible mother to my wife, and an incredible grandmother to her grandchildren. I'm not exaggerating when I say that love oozes from her. She is an incredible example to mothers everywhere, and an inspiration to both Danielle and I. I love you Barb, and I am so very thankful for you.

I am also thankful for my stepmom MaryJo. Although we are separated by many miles, the happiness she has brought to my dad's life in the time he has left (which is hopefully 1000 more years) is something that I thank God for on a daily basis. She makes him incredibly happy and they are now living the life that they both deserve. I wish we were closer, of course, but my dad is living his dream and that in an of itself is more than I could ever ask for. He deserves it and I am thankful that he has MaryJo in his life...and also in mine.

If you are blessed enough to still have your mom with you on this day, I hope that you took time today to love on her like there is no tomorrow. For me, there once was a day when there was no tomorrow...and I would give anything to have just one more day with the precious, beautiful, loving, and incredibly courageous woman that I was lucky enough to call Mom.

If You Go to the Bank

Here are two things that you probably shouldn't say to a bank employee:

Bank employee: Thank you, Mr./Mrs./Miss _______, is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Customer: Nope, not unless you're giving away a million dollars!


Bank employee: How would you like your cash?
Customer: I'll take green.

If you are somebody who says these things at the bank, please know that it is not funny. And although we, as bank employees, may laugh along with you when you say it, you can be sure that we are definitely not amused over something that we've heard 5,600,999,238 times before.

I'm just sayin'.

;-)

I found the cure for allergies

For the first time in my 30 years (or at least those where I am old enough to remember), I am not suffering from allergies in the midst of the spring bloom season. Normally, at this point in the spring, I would be miserable, completely under the weather, and not able to enjoy this beautiful season. My eyes, nose, throat, and ears are normally a hot mess right now.

The answer? Over-the-counter generic Claritin from Walmart.

The best part? It's only $4 under their generic medication program.

The other reason I think I haven't suffered at all this year is because I knew a week ago that some really warm and sunny weather was on its way. Warm weather at this time of year usually equates to pure misery for me because of my allergies. So, to prepare for the warm weather, I began to take the allergy medicine about a week ago. By the time the warm weather finally arrived, my system was completely protected from allergens! See, it pays to keep abreast of the weather forecast at all times. You people laugh. But while you're laughing, I'm not sneezing. Boom. Roasted.

Or, it could just be a complete fluke that --all of a sudden-- I am miraculously healed of all springtime allergies. It could happen, I suppose.

All I know is that after 30 years of springtime misery, it has been most delightful to open up the windows, go outside, and enjoy this awesome weather...without feeling like I would rather bury my head in a pile of burning lava.

80?

Just look at this gorgeous forecast...wowza!!!

70?

Could it be???

70 degrees??

According to AccuWeather, it may hit 70 here next weekend. I can't even imagine temperatures that warm.

Even though rain is forecast, 70 degrees will feel so amazing. It's been so long since it's been warm.

::sigh:: Welcome, Spring!

Tea Time!

I hope that those of you who live in places where tea parties occurred yesterday had the chance to get out to your local event. I know that I am sort of a hypocrite though, since I didn't go to the one held here in Erie. :-\

What happened at these tea parties is so encouraging to me. It makes me excited about the movement that is arising within our country right now. This movement is being led by people who get up in the morning, go to work and work hard so they can provide for their family, and give half of their hard earned money to our irresponsible and careless government. It is being led by people like you and I who chose to WORK HARD FOR WHAT WE HAVE and WHAT WE WANT. My prayer is that this movement becomes so large and so loud that President Obama will be crushed in 2012, or better yet, will have to resign before his first term is up. THe tide is turning. His honeymoon is definitely over. Reality is kicking in hard and fast for our esteemed leader.

Of course, the liberal media in this country was up to their usual tricks last night. In fact, last place CNN decided to brush yesterday's nationwide protest off as a joke, and thus eroded the last remaining vestiges of their journalistic ability. Take a look at this, on AC360 last night, Anderson Cooper kept making inappropriate jokes about "teabagging" like a 6th grade uber-hormonal school kid:



Here's CNN Reporter Susan Roesgen being a complete donkey to one of the protestors yesterday. She kept cutting him off and finally just completely lost it and signed off the air in disgust:


Here is more analysis of the CNN debacle from yesterday.

On Being 30

A couple of months ago, I turned 30 years old. In the days leading up to that day, and in the days since, I have found myself thinking a lot about my twenties and what I would like to see happen in my thirties.

I am not sad that my twenties are over. I started out the decade living in Florida, and ended it back in my hometown of Erie. It was a decade for me that - for the most part - I am not proud of. I made a shamefully huge amount of stupid decisions. I made some terrible mistakes. A lifelong dream was shattered. I scraped rock bottom for many of those 10 years. I have shed way too many tears over the last decade. I spent way too much time being sad, angry, and depressed. I spent way too much time fighting with God and not nearly enough time seeking Him. I wasted so much time wallowing in pity because things weren't going according to MY plan. I didn't spend enough time loving and appreciating the people in my life who give so much to me -- and for what? So I could give them nothing in return?

I remember during my darkest times over the last few years when people would tell me that I would one day look back on this time and be grateful for it all; for it will help shape me and mold me into the man that God wants me to be. After I got done laughing, I would silently scream at God, pleading with Him to give me strength to make it through until those days arrived -- if they ever did. There were times that I wanted to give up completely. There were certainly times when I gave in completely. There were times that I crumbled under the weight of my own fallibility that I was all but certain there was no way out. I'm not kidding when I say that I was depraved to the core.

Yet, in the midst of the darkest depravity, there can be no denying that God was laying the pathway for something bigger; something amazing. I always felt it, I always hoped for it...even when I thought that all hope was gone. And even while I was struggling through my darkest days, I had found a place of refuge in Grace Church. At Grace, I found a circle of friends whom I cannot imagine life without. It was also at Grace that I found Danielle, who is the best friend I have ever known. And when the time came for my faith to be tested in ways I never thought possible, I can sit here today and tell you with confidence that the chains of bondage I had been enslaved to for so long were SHATTERED because - and only because - God led me to Grace and, ultimately, Danielle.

As I enter my fourth decade, I leave my third behind with a sense of gratitude that it is over. But I also look back upon it and thank God for what He did for me during those years. It was rough, and at times I couldn't (nor did I want to) see, but I have emerged on the other side fully intact. I look ahead with excitement. My thirties are going to be healthier and happier than my twenties were...that much is for certain. I look forward with anticipation at what will happen in this decade. It's already off to a pretty good start; I started a great new job last month. And with this new job, it will open up the doors for me to fulfill the new dreams that God has given me. Becoming debt-free (we're oh so close....YEAH!!!). Starting a family, Lord-willing (it's weird to think that my dad didn't even have me in his thirties...he was 40 when I was born). Devoting my life 100% to Christ, both personally and professionally (another byproduct of Grace). Going back to school to make that happen. Writing a book so I can tell my story. Yes, this is going to be an awesome decade. And although I am notorious for wanting to take ten steps at a time instead of one, I can't help but to be excited that these years will, without a doubt, be the best so far.

The name of this blog is The Broken Soul: Contemplations Along the Journey to Restoration. While I know that we, as believers, won't be fully restored until we're gone from here, here is where we begin the journey. Almost 14 years ago, I began that journey. Since then, I have had incredible highs and incredibly low lows. But one thing is certain: through it all, God has remained faithful to this incredibly broken soul. His promises have never failed me. His love has always endured.

And I am grateful.